I have noticed a personal tendency in my makeup. When I feel inadequate doing something, I try to avoid having to do it. I am terrible at sports so I purposely sidestep any occasion where I might be expected to participate in throwing, hitting, or catching a ball. There seems to be some type of magnet in my head that draws balls toward it; if anyone is going to get hit in the head, that would be me.
This avoidance has worked out pretty well for me, especially since I have passed the stage of gym classes and dating. But even while I was in the dating stage of my life, I knew that if a game of softball or volleyball was imminent, pre-selecting improper footwear would usually get me out of having to play, or at least it would seriously reduce any undue expectations there might be regarding my performance. It would not, however, deter the head injury problem.
This avoidance isn't limited to sports. There are many things that fill me with fear and trepidation, but I find that if I just focus on what I am good at or what comes easily then life passes pretty comfortably.
Until now. I have been dealt a hardy blow. I am now forced to face my inadequacies every day. I am now required to meet head-on a challenge that fills me with fear and dread. No amount of experience nor preparation seems to overcome my feelings of insufficiency. I struggle. I worry. I agonize. I doubt. I cry.
I teach Seminary.