Wherein lies thy Desire?

Or in other words, what do you really want?  That is the remarkable thing about life.  We get to decide what is most important to us; what we want to put our energies behind; what, indeed, are our priorities.  We really do.

Sometimes it seems like others claim our attention with their desires, that we really aren't our own person, that our priorities are replaced by what others want.  Not so.  Ultimately, our choices lead us based upon the very underlying of our ultimate desire.  Do we want a happy family?  One that loves us as much as we love them?  Then our desires are to serve them and help them to find happiness.  Period.  We lose ourselves in service.  So no complaints.  Right?

How are we using the time we have been given?  Do we make false claims that we never have enough time to do what we really want?  If all of our wasted minutes were combined, I believe we would realize that we have ample time to make great accomplishments.

Then we really have no room for blaming others, for blaming the consequences of our situations, for coming up with empty, lame excuses.

I was reminded yesterday of a great quote from a Shakespearean play,The Merry Wives of Windsor:
"....the world's mine oyster, which I with sword will open."

No one can lay claim to our lives.  They are ours.  Ours to beautify, to accomplish, to embellish, to live.  What will we choose to do?  Which path will we take?  What, ultimately, is our desire?

How exciting, how thrilling, how empowering! 

We can timidly open that oyster to seek the treasures it holds, or we can boldly, "with sword," strike it open with enthusiasm, eager to chase the rainbows that are before us.

No excuses.  No hesitation.  No timidity.

That is what I am going to do.

It's No Trouble

There is an old movie that has become a classic for many.  It features action, romance, humor, tenderness, and just plain old good storytelling.  The lines are clever, memorable, and most importantly, quotable! Many people know whole sections by heart and are quick to recite them if prompted.

One of my favorite parts is the poignant running theme of love expressed by the simple words:  "As you wish".  This lovely phrase becomes synonymous with the often overused words, "I love you". 

This past week I have discovered another phrase that carries just as much affection, just as much devotion, and just as much love as either of these.  It is the humble, unpretentious "It's no trouble".

Frequently when these words are spoken, it is indeed "some" trouble, some inconvenience, some interference with normal circumstance.  But it is the desire to downplay that inconvenience that makes the subtle statement of love. 

May we turn you out of your bed for the night, and make you sleep on an air mattress? 

"It's no trouble."

May we inconvenience you to get up at 4:00 in the morning to drive us to the airport?

"It's no trouble."

May I rest my old bones while you chase a 2-year-old around the house in order to wear her out for bedtime?

"It's no trouble."

These are only a few examples of the way my family serves me.  And it doesn't stop at family.  I have valued friends that are quick to offer help and kindness and comfort when I am in need.  And it is extended with immeasurable love and those simple words that mask the bother or inopportune timing.

It's no trouble.  As you wish.

I love you.

Hanging on Every Other Sail

Life is exciting and thrilling for everyone but us, right?  So and so has greener grass, the Joneses have a bigger boat, etc. etc.  Isn't that how it sometimes seems?  I was startled to discover that one of my philosophic heroes, Ralph Waldo Emerson, also had occasional pity parties.  While reading his essay entitled:  Experience, I am learning that Emerson wasn't afraid to show a little cynicism, he who is usually very optimistic.  About ten pages in, he himself admits that  he had "set his heart on honesty in this chapter," apparently not wishing to sugar coat the realities of life and life's experiences.

My favorite passage is this:  Every ship is a romantic object, except that we sail in.  Embark, and the romance quits our vessel and hangs on every other sail in the horizon.  Our life looks trivial, and we shun to record it."

I had to laugh at this.  Isn't it the truth?  Why do others' adventures always seem, atleast outwardly, like smooth sailing and pleasant breezes, compared to our own storms and rough waters?   A few months ago I experienced the lifelong dream of sailing on a tall ship.  It is was beautiful; it was exciting to be in the middle of all the action; and it was FREEZING cold, something I had only moderately prepared for.  When its sister ship sailed gallantly past, in all its splendour at full sail, did I think of its own passengers, huddled together in the cold as we were on our ship, or did I focus on the romance of its masts and sails?  I saw what I chose to see, just like everyday I choose to see the roses in others' lives, while forgetting that they may also have a few thorns that they are dealing with.

A wise man I know remembers to look for the positives amid the setbacks.  He looks for the steadiness that may be accompanied by otherwise quaking hands.   And to Emerson's credit, he also recognizes that: "Life is a series of surprises, and would not be worth taking or keeping if it were not."

The true message here, though, is to claim your life, accept it, embrace it, and as Emerson insists, "record it!"  Our lives are exactly the perfect proving grounds for us, individually.  My trials are mine and I will take them, if God can foresee what I have yet to learn.  You enjoy your roses and your green grass and the romance of your ship.  I'll take the thorns and the weeds and the tempests that come my way.  Because they are building strength of character only yet to be discovered.

"Insist on Yourself; Never Imitate"

I was reminded today why I choose to blog.  I was reminded by reading other blogs that I follow.  Each is unique.  Each shares the author's own notable, exceptional perspective of their world.  And I was inspired.  And I was grateful to be given the opportunity to have a glimpse into their lives, their minds, their hearts.

Isn't it remarkable how different we are from one another?  We may share very similar experiences, similar paths, similar circumstances; yet we process them with our own special brand of uniquity.  So why not have our own little website, our own personal URL that is filled with the things we love, the thoughts we think, the dreams we dream?

Lately I have become absorbed in an obscure book.  I stumbled upon it last summer, while it sat upon the shelf of a used book store in Ashland, Oregon.  My daughter, Miranda, and I were immersing ourselves in a literary weekend, replete with Hamlet and Pride and Prejudice on the stage of the Shakespearean Festival, a lovely old-fashioned room in a quaint little hotel, and a self-guided tour through the many old book stores that line Ashland's main street.

It is the kind of book that probably would be overlooked by my children when I am gone, as they sort through my faded and tired possessions.  Perhaps if I give it a little attention now, it will have more meaning and value to them when that fateful day eventually comes.  Perhaps instead of tossing it into the giveaway pile, one or more of them will realize that it was a favorite and seek to uncover for themselves the wealth of wisdom I am finding in its yellowed, cracking pages.

This one small, unpretentious book bears the title and the collection:  The Complete Essays and Other Writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson.  There is a reason that Emerson is one of the most oft-quoted literaries; he has some amazing insights and the ability to express them with pith and power.  Picking up his book everyday is like clicking open his blog.  It is insightful, it is inspiring, and it gives the reader a glimpse of his life, his mind, and his heart.

The underlying theme of his "complete essays and other writings" is the importance of being true to oneself.  He boldly states: "Insist on yourself; never imitate."  And with that, he promises:  "that which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him.  No man yet knows what it is, nor can, till that person has exhibited it."

I am so thankful for what I learn from others.  But I will not try to imitate them.  I have decided to look for what I, alone, can do best, no matter how far and wide I must search.

You might consider "following" Emerson, too.

To Go Before the Mast

It may come as a surprise; it may seem out of character. For many years I have had a love affair with historic tall ships; those that depend on the power of the wind to fill their expansive sails, those that were manned by accomplished sailors who navigated their courses by the nighttime skies. These ships, with their undisputed beauty, speak to me of adventure, of romance of times gone by, of courage, of stout-hearted men.

While certain that I am not hearty nor courageous enough to have sailed the seven seas in this manner, in my dreams I do long to take my spot next to the great captains which I read about in books. Indeed, I have already outed my obsession with Horatio Hornblower.

Last Tuesday, I had the unique opportunity to "go before the mast and on the deck of the world", to test out my sea legs and to feel the exhilaration of the wind in my sails. It fulfilled a lifelong dream, and despite the debilitating cold of our evening cruise, I will always treasure the experience.

We sailed out of the bay in Newport, Oregon, on the Lady Washington, an historically accurate wooden replica of the original Lady Washington, one of the first U.S.-flagged vessels to visit the west coast of North America. This beautiful movie-star ship has appeared in "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" and "Master and Commander:  The Far Side of the World."

I appreciate my family and their patience with me as I pursue the things I love.  They are very supportive and adventurous as well, and I love them.  Together, we could sail to the ends of the earth, or wherever we decide to go.

"I did not wish to take a cabin passage, but rather to go before the mast and on the deck of the world, for there I could best see the moonlight amid the mountains. I do not wish to go below now."

~Henry David Thoreau~

Weak Things Can Become Strong

Given the heads-up by my daughter, Jackie, that it had been re-released as a PG-13 version, Brian and I immediately found time in our schedule to see "The King's Speech", this year's darling of the Oscars.

It held us spellbound the entire two hours, while being completely devoid of thrills, action, or explosions.  Instead, it reached into the reservoir of our own insecurities.  Who isn't able to identify in some way with this portrayal of a man faced with an unfortunate deficiency?

I was reminded of the great scripture from the prophet Moroni, found in the Book of Ether, Chapter 12.  He had expressed his concern to the Lord about his inadequacies, fearing the mockery of men.  The Lord reassured him that it is these very things that make us feel so lacking that can become our strengths if we learn to rely upon Heaven for help to overcome them.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."(Book of Mormon, Ether 12:27)

It also made me think of the great Apostle Paul, who humbly admits to his own "thorn in the flesh", which "thing (he) besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from (him)."  In similar words which He spoke to Moroni, the Lord tells Paul:  "My grace is sufficient for thee:  for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

Recognizing that trials and weaknesses do, indeed, turn us to the Savior in humility, Paul then rejoices in his weakness:  "Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake:  for when I am weak, then am I strong." (2 Corinthians, 12:7-10) 

I love the zeal with which Paul approaches things, even to the point of rejoicing in his infirmities.  Bless his heart!  I'm not sure I am at that point, but I do recognize that the power of the Lord can aid us in overcoming weaknesses and making up the difference when we fall short.

I would encourage you to see this edited version of The King's Speech. It will certainly become a classic of uplifting and inspiring filmmaking.  I must warn of strong language, but unlike most movies that throw it in gratuitously, the strong words in this case actually do help move the story along.

And Colin Firth makes a lovely king.

Just For the Fun of It!

Have you ever done something just for the fun of it?  For no real purpose other than to just gather with friends for good conversation, good food, and good fun?  This past weekend my husband and I did exactly that.  We hosted what we called a "Black and White @ the Beach" Party. 

I am finding that often in our lives we go from one requirement to the next; crossing off all the things that must be done while neglecting the seemingly superfluous things. My friend, Ralph Waldo Emerson reminds us that there is a need to make extra time for what he calls the "best property of all":

     "We take care of our health, we lay up money, we make our room tight, and our clothing sufficient; but who provides wisely that he shall not be wanting in the best property of all--friends?"

That is what we did this weekend.  We sought to take care of what we feel is as important as our health, as critical as our livelihood, and as valued as our family; we sought to nurture our friendships.

It was an opportunity to show them how much they mean to us, to spoil them a little, and to thank them for their involvement in our lives.

We couldn't feel more blessed to call them our friends.

Step Forward in Boldness

Why not?  Some things demand a boldness that may not come naturally, that may not fall within our standard modus operandi.  There are times in our lives when we need to step out of our comfort zone, to finally be daring and bold!

It is usually when the odds are not in our favor.  It is usually when, once in motion, there is no turning back. 

But even the likelihood of failure far outweighs living with the nagging wonder of having failed to try. The "what ifs" in life are the hardest pills to swallow.

I have been immersing myself in Ralph Waldo Emerson of late, and I found a quote from his journal that I find unusually stirring.  It is this:  "Let us answer a book of ink with a book of flesh and blood."

Now I don't presume to necessarily grasp exactly Emerson's meaning from this, nor do I even guess what your interpretation would be.  But, to me it is about inspiration.  It is about taking our studies, taking the things we have read and then acting upon them with our whole souls, holding nothing back.  It is to step forward with boldness and not just live our lives vicariously through book characters or another man's thoughts and dreams.  At some point, it becomes our turn to "write our own book", to lay down our own story; to hold nothing back, to not just dream the dreams but be ready to bring them to life.

Perhaps I have come to that point in my life.

Perhaps you have too.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

What a wild card!  Every night we settle into bed, turn out the lights, close our eyes, and calmly invite whatever turns of the involuntary imagination may come to play across our minds.  And we do so willingly. It is as though we regularly acquire a ticket for whatever happens to be showing, without checking the billboard, without knowing beforehand what the entertainment will be.  Yikes!

I am astonished that we invite this.  I am astonished that our progressive society, which seeks to have control in every other facet of our lives, still leaves this completely to chance.  Why haven't we been given a pill to tame or to thwart this variable, this unknown?  Surely we shouldn't be leaving ourselves open to the ludicrous, or the impractical, or the harrowing, or the triumphant, or the frivolous....  It seems to go so contrary to everything else in our lives that is about order and inside the lines and bridled.

I find dreams to be exhilarating.  I welcome this scheduled step into another world.  I see it as an opportunity for self-discovery.  Sir Thomas Browne, of the Seventeenth Century, observed "We are somewhat more than ourselves in our sleeps; and the slumber of the body seems to be but the waking of the soul."

William Hazlitt, of the Eighteenth Century, claimed:  "We are not hypocrites in our sleep.  The curb is taken off from our passions, and our imagination wanders at will.  When awake, we check these rising thoughts, and fancy we have them not.  In dreams, when we are off our guard, they return securely and unbidden."

I have made discoveries in dreams, not always welcomed, but certainly undeniable when faced with the them in the harsh light of morning.  I have expanded my ideas and my thinking.  I have cast off the inhibiting timidity and walked boldly where I wouldn't have gone before.

I find it interesting that we can discuss this idea of dreams with people from previous centuries because dreaming is a universal experience.  Politics change, technology changes, modes of transportation, and agriculture, and exploration all change.  Yet we share a fascination with this other-worldly nightly encounter which noone can really explain or justify. 

In the words of the Nineteenth Century poet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, who expresses it better than I could:

"Dreams or illusions, call them what you will,
They lift us from the commonplace of life
To better things."

Not all dreams are welcomed.  Some are scary.  Some are disturbing. Some bring the welcome relief of waking.  Yet they all carry the capacity to lift us from the commonplace, to see things with fresh eyes, to explore and take chances without a safety net.  My favorite dreams are those in which I can fly.

And the ticket is free.

All in Good Time

I may have mentioned I live in Oregon, a place renowned for its stunning flora and its ubiquitous green.  Everything is green, whether we want it to be or not.  We merely dream of white Christmases; and whereas most winters are classified by dormancy, we are enrobed in brilliant evergreen, bright lawns, and the ever-present moss that covers the ground, the sidewalks, the houses, the trees, the fences.  Are you getting the picture?

I often feel there is even a thin covering of moss on me, for lack of sufficient sunshine and activity.  Moss may not grow on a rolling stone, but it does gather on a cloistered recluse who sits and sits by the window each day, watching the incessant rain, and wondering if outdoor activity will ever be possible again.

I try to look for the blessings.  I recall to mind the beauty of my home, the abundance of trees, shrubs, and year-round flowers.  But it loses a little when most of the time they can only be enjoyed from the indoors looking out.

My body aches to stretch its legs; to climb out of this hibernating state and breathe the fresh air.  I have also realized the multiplicity of benefits from a good, swift walk around the neighborhood.  It expands my focus, expands my thinking, and expands my hope.

It also expands my productivity.  While reading this morning from an address given by Ralph Waldo Emerson at the funeral of his friend, Henry David Thoreau, I was reminded that Thoreau also placed great value on daily walks.  Emerson stated that Henry valued every stride his legs made.  "The length of his walk uniformly made the length of his writing.  If shut up in the house he did not write at all."

And characteristic of Thoreau's appetite for solitude, he seldom welcomed walking companions, but preferred the rich reward of solitary jaunts through the woods, that of personal introspection and enlightenment.

While the stouthearted would not let a little (okay, a lot of) rain keep them locked inside, I do not profess to be that sturdy.  So I guess I will continue to find worthwhile distractions within, keep an eye on any change in the weather, and anticipate some drier days.  My soul longs for the inspiration that Thoreau found on his walks.  I desire to open my eyes to the wonder of my surroundings and my ears to the whisperings of the Spirit, that can best be had with nothing overhead to restrict communication with heaven.

I know Spring is on its way, and then Summer is sure to follow.  These are the blessings of predictable change.  God knew that we would welcome a natural rhythm to our days.  Forgive my shortsightedness.  I simply must learn patience. 

All in good time, Ardith.  All in good time.

"Words are things, and a small drop of ink"

These are a few of my favorite things!  ;-)

Yesterday I stumbled upon --( do we really stumble upon things by chance, or are they somehow put in our path directly purposed for us to discover them?.....)---ahem---Yesterday I stumbled upon a little poem by Lord Byron that I found utterly inspiring.  It perfectly illustrated what I have been thinking about recently, and I instantly fell in love with it.

Words are things, and a small drop of ink,

Falling like dew, upon a thought, produces

That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think.

                                          ~Lord Byron

Now I will admit to not thinking on as grand a scale as Byron did, but I certainly believe there is great power in the written word, OUR written word.  And I also believe that inspiration comes in many ways and should be given the attention it deserves.

I find myself with the desire to identify and cherish the inspiration I receive, as whisperings from heaven, and feel that the best way to honor these, is to write them down.  There are so many ways to learn and acquire knowledge, and we are inhibiting that endeavor if we fail to use inspiration as part of that learning.

It then becomes our responsibility to utilize these directives, and most importantly, to remember them.  The best way I have found to remember these impressions is to write them down as soon as I am able.  We all should be recording these enlightening paths of thought upon which our minds are coaxed to wander.  Perhaps our little drops of ink, falling like dew upon our thoughts, will not influence millions, nor even thousands, but they may have direct influence upon our families, upon our posterities, as our humble little journals which hold our most tender and intimate feelings are sacredly passed down to be read, and to be cherished, and perhaps to induce thought as well.

I also "stumbled"  upon a quote from Thomas Jefferson that describes the value of this inspiration that can come our way:  "The glow of one warm thought is to me worth more than money".

Are we recognizing the worth of these whisperings, which often are manifest as "warm thoughts"?  They are not happenstance; they are not accidental, coincidental, nor merely fortuitous.  We can receive directives to guide our lives, which will be of infinite worth to us if we heed them.

Your words needn't be eloquent to have power.  They needn't be flowery nor trumped up in any way.  Their simplicity and clarity will carry the message effectively.  They only need your sincerity.

May we seek to receive this guidance, and as it comes, to honor it by recording it; that we might be inspired today as we write it down, tomorrow as we look back upon our words, and in the future as it speaks to the generations that follow.
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May I Quote You?

Have you ever been quoted?  Have you ever received validation by someone using your own words of wisdom?  

As our family gathered at Thanksgiving, one of our topics of conversation gravitated toward Bucket Lists.
We all divulged our personal desires and enjoyed learning more about each other.  When it came to Brian's turn, he surprised us all when he said  he would like to have something he said be considered worthy of hanging on someone's wall.

You know, why not?  Who decides which quotes end up on plaques and frames anyway? 

Imagine our surprise then, when two of our creative children took this idea and ran with it.  Robert and Josalyn decided to take Brian at his word and came up with a wildly unique, innovative Christmas gift for the whole family.

While Brian served as bishop, his ward clerk compiled a list of "Bishop Haws Quotes", quite a random collection of pithy, witty, often silly, and always uniquely wise things that Brian said during bishopric meetings.  Rob and Jos chose one of these quotes, enlisted an online designer to turn it into a cross-stitch pattern, then gave each of us the materials to create our own wall hanging; thus fulfilling an item from Brian's bucket list.

I think I am the first one done! 

It was a fun project.  As I reacquainted myself with cross-stitching, I thought about a lot of things.

  I thought about the value of thoughtful gifts, ones that needn't cost a lot of money but that tune into a unique interest of the recipient. 

I thought about a husband who quietly serves, strives to be a man of integrity, and who sets a great example for his family. 

I thought about a sister who could have done the designing for Robert if he would have known about her amazing skills. 

 I thought about what an honor it would be to be remembered for something profound we may have said. 

Potential: Mining the depths?

I have been thinking a lot about potential.  To what degree are we utilitzing our innate, God-given potential?  Are we mining clear to the depths, exploring every possibility, stretching and building every muscle?  Or are we merely skimming the surface, making do with the acceptable, leaving untapped the most valuable resources of all?

Honestly, the impetus for this train of thought has sprung from my son, Robert.  Naturally as his mother I have always considered him a wealth of brilliance, talent, skill, and of course, boundless potential.  And he has never let me down.  I have seen in him qualities of a great leader, a great scholar, a great musician.  While becoming a great missionary, a great husband, and a great father, he continues to cultivate those gifts that are unique to him.

During our last visit with him and his family, he overwhelmed us with an overview of his future aspirations.  I always expected great things from him, but he has set his sights even higher than they've ever been.  The sky is not the limit for this man; he truly seems to be shooting for the stars, setting goals that will stretch himself to perform, to lead, to tackle great challenges.

My counsel to my son?  Go for it!  You take the gifts you have been given and stretch them to their very limits, and then watch them grow even more.  I have felt from the beginning of your life that you are destined for greatness.

President Gordon B. Hinckley would give you this counsel:

‎"The Lord would want you to be successful. He would. You are His sons and His daughters. He has the same kind of love and ambition for you that your earthly parents have. They want you to do well and you can do it."

Don't stop believing in yourself, nor in giving credit where it is due, that being your Father in Heaven.  All blessings come from Him.  Determine to serve Him and He will help you always.

No Excuses!

In looking forward to a new year of change, of improvement, of accomplishment, I want to quote two of the wisest men I know. The first is President Thomas S. Monson as he quotes another legendary statesman:

"Professor Harold Hill, in Meredith Willson's The Music Man, cautioned: 'You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays.'

"There is no tomorrow to remember if we don't do something today, and to live most fully today, we must do that which is of greatest importance. Let us not procrastinate those things which matter most." (Conference Report, April 2003)

Are you a procrastinator?  Are you merely dreaming of better days, or are you doing something to assure them?

My new mantra for the new year is "No Excuses!"  And that is how I intend to live. 

I know that I have weaknesses that have held me back in the past.  No excuses.

I know that I am getting older, with all the limitations that imposes.  No excuses.

I know that I get distracted by time-wasters.  No excuses.

The old cliche' has been around a long time because it is an indesputable truth: 

 The longest journey starts with just one step.

I am choosing to look  forward, with my eyes on the promise of a brighter future,

 determined to take it one step at a time..

And the value of that first small step?  "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great."  D&C 64:33

Happy New Year!

"Slowly, Sister, Slowly!"

One of the most vividly contrasting scenes in the Sound of Music is towards the end when the Von Trapp family is hiding in the church from the Nazis.  While the soldiers are speedily pursuing there is fast-paced chase music which sets everyone on edge due to the tenseness of the situation.  Then, as the nuns are summoned to the front gate, the music changes, and they purposefully, with great effort, endeavor to slow their pace, slow their speaking, slow their movement to indicate peace and tranquility and calm.

We could learn a lot from a nun.  Even in the midst of haste and hurry, the best way to  find peace may be to manufacture a little of it by slowing our pace and slowing our heartrates, and "pretending" we are calm.  During these times in our lives when the winds may blow and storms may rage, we find ourselves in the middle of it all, struggling for some type of reprieve or relief.  Generally we find that the answers do not come as we expend our energy furiously treading water; we only get more anxious and more tired and more desperate.  Perhaps the most radical move is to gently turn onto one's back and peacefully, slowly, begin to swim toward the shore and remove ourselves from the situation.  We purposefully slow our heartrate; change our plan; recognize what our body and soul are telling us.

I picked up a book today.  It has been within arm's reach of my desk for the past month, unnoticed and untouched.  Until today.  After calling my name to pick it up, its counsel rang with such truth to me.  It spoke of this conscientiously slowing down life's pace; of how as a society we are driven to accomplish, to please, to produce, to perfect, all at the mercy of our peace.

The book reminds us of the wisdom in doing fewer things, while taking the time to make the most of those we choose to do.  It encourages us to "walk a little slower and notice a little more, drive a little slower and be more aware of what is around you.  You will only lose a few seconds, and you will start to win the battle against haste and hurry."

I believe we should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, but not to the degree that "anxious" becomes "anxiety".  We needn't run faster than we have strength.

My goals for the new year are to walk slowly and think slowly, trying for more awareness and perspective--to see more, feel more, and to look for more quality and less quantity in my activities, my relationships, and my goals.

My favorite quote from Dr. Bridell's Logical and Rational and Poetic and Beautiful and Completely Guaranteed Eat-Half Diet for ALL your Appetites book, and what I intend to take to heart is this:

"Let that kiss for your loved one take a little longer.  Look into a person's eyes and hold the hand a second longer when you greet someone.  Sit down and take a look around you for a moment before you start a piece of work....Slow thinking is intuitive and creative.  Slowing down and giving ideas times to simmer at their own pace yields rich and subtle insights, leading to lateral thinking and serendipity."

Sounds like a chance I am willing to take.

Without Limits

I stumbled upon a quote recently that my mind has turned over and over, fascinated by its implications.  It is this:  "The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible."  by Arthur C. Clarke

How many of us spend most of our lives safely tucked within the limits of the possible?  We have a pretty good idea of what we can expect from ourselves and from the people around us.  We drift along with the current of the possible, vaguely satisfied with life, vaguely satisfied with the status quo.  Drifting, drifting, staying within the safe waters.

Perhaps I use the pronoun "we" too casually.  Maybe "I" is more accurate.  Hopefully "you" are pushing the limits, stretching your capacities to grow and learn and achieve, while I, alone, am the only one who has been drifting.  Perhaps I, alone, am not living up to the full measure of my creation; that gifts and talents have lain dormant, not being fully realized nor fully utilized.

But sometimes in life, the impossible becomes the just getting by.  I will be honest.  Right now, I seem to have so much on my plate that is requiring me to dig a little deeper to find that wellspring of hope and energy and accomplishment.  I am being pushed to my limits, and am found wanting.

I have felt abandoned by my blog muse.  Usually the ideas for blogposts come with very little effort.  In fact, I usually feel like they have a soul of their own and I am only the facilitator with the fingers to keyboard them into life.  I have become self-conscious that my recent blogs have started to take on a "woe is me" attitude.  Yuck.  I can't stand that.  I want my blog to be uplifting, to be smile-inducing, not a place where you walk away feeling sorry for me, or feeling sorry for yourself for having checked in.

Life is discovery.  Every day we should be discovering something fresh and new.  Even amid the chaos and trials, we should always be uncovering something that was hidden.  Maybe it was hidden by laziness, or by complacency.  Or maybe it was hidden by a life that was too easy, or too leisurely, or too "perfect." 

I hope that I have the wisdom to recognize this important time of discovery in my life.  It would be so easy to just set my blog aside because of caution to share the hard stuff along with the effortless.  But that would be a road block to discovering the real limits of the possible.  So I invite you to join me as I venture into the impossible.  I can't promise that it will always be roses, but I can promise it will always be honest.

Broad Roads versus Narrow Ways

'Find your path.'  'Choose your own direction.'  'Follow your heart.'

We hear these directives all our lives.  How much freedom do we really have in choosing our own pathway?  Or rather, how successful are we when the choice really does lie solely with us, especially when we come to the proverbial fork in the road?

                                                                Photo found here.

I have had a conversation with an old friend recently.  She got me thinking about some important concepts.

Quoting her:  "You spend your young days having parents and teachers direct your life, then you move to where either a job or kids direct your life. It becomes a habit, but I think idleness has been given an unfair reputation. When your mind is always busy with outer things, how do you know what it does when it has nothing to do?....  So, tell me, why is outer direction to fill your days always thought to be more acceptable than self-direction?"--Sara Hansen

Interesting, don't you think?  Few of us may admit to having completely carefree lives, where the direction we take is truly ours to decide.  But even during our "busiest" times in life, there are choices to be made with whatever remains as "free time."  How are we filling the down time in our days?  And can we proudly profess to making good use of it?  What IS good use?  Is quiet, thoughtful, meditation a waste?  Is reading a book a waste?  Is writing a blog a waste?  Is sitting in the sunshine a waste?

Do you feel like your life's path has been straight?  Clearly defined?  Easily identifiable?   What about narrow?  Have you had a full range of choices?  Or not?

I believe the best road markers are set by the commandments of a loving Heavenly Father.  They give us  direction for setting our path, while at the same time giving us the freedom to live our lives with happiness and joy, not being bound down by poor life choices and addictions.  But as narrow as that path may seem to some, there is plenty of room to explore our own dreams.  Our moves are not scripted; the choices are ours alone.

My challenge now as an empty-nester, with enough free time to have a little elbow room in my schedule, is in how I choose to use that time.  I hope that I will take advantage of this great gift of time.  I hope that I will hold myself accountable for how I use it.  I hope that I will give myself license to make a few of these decisions, recognizing that my choices have merit.  I may live to serve my family, and my God, but just as essential, and often forgotten, is the importance in addressing my own dreams and realizing their validity.  Thankfully, I have a very supportive husband....

Which drummer do you hear?

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
 Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
-- Henry David Thoreau

Individuality.  There has never been a greater need for it.  Why do we wrestle to keep step with the common cadence, when our souls long to be free?

I have come to understand more and more as I increase in age and wisdom (well, at least in age....), that our missions here on earth are varied and unique.  What a blessing.  I was sent here to accomplish my own set of achievements, and so were you!  And in the grand scheme of things, it then becomes necessary for us to have our own unique set of abilities, passions, and talents. WE ARE MEANT TO BE DIFFERENT.  Let us then rejoice in that.  Let us then not squelch who we really are. 

Let us then accomplish our special purposes and not try to hide them.  What does the Lord need from you to help build up His Kingdom here on earth?  Are you filling the measure of your own personal, matchless creation?

Elder John A. Widtsoe spoke of the importance of our divine callings:  "We need...a group of men and women in their individual lives who shall be as a light to the nations, and standards for the world to follow.  Such a people must be different from the world as it now is....We are here to build Zion to Almighty God, for the blessing of all the world.  In that aim we are unique and different ....  We must respect that obligation, and not be afraid of it.  We cannot walk as other men, or talk as other men, or do as other men, for we have a different destiny, obligation, and responsibility placed upon us, and we must fit ourselves for that great destiny and obligation."  (Conference Report, April 1940)

I am trying to evaluate my skill sets; trying to understand why I am different from you; trying to fulfill my unique purpose.  It is humbling.  It is enlightening.  It is liberating. 

I am trying to drown out the deafening beat of this worldly world, trying to align my step with my own drummer.  So if I seem to be losing pace with what is popular or trendy or current, well, it is because maybe that just isn't the beat I am stepping to, nor the music I am hearing.  I always knew I was a little odd.

We Do Make a Difference

The choices we make, the behavior we exhibit, the joy we share all reach out to impact others' lives, and their's, in turn, impact our lives.  The poet John Donne gets it.

No man is an island entire of itself; every man

is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;

if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe

is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as

well as any manner of thy friends or of thine

own were; any man's death diminishes me,

because I am involved in mankind.

And therefore never send to know for whom

the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

When our lives are filled with joy and love, we mustn't be afraid to let it radiate, no matter if we feel it might make others sad by comparison to their circumstance of the moment.  How do we respond to those in pain?  Do we hold back sharing our joy?  Do we become self-conscious of our own blessings and seek to diminish them?

God is full of love.  He wants us to be as well.  Showing and giving love can be part of sharing our own joy and happiness.  If I am struggling with personal trials, my desire is still for you to be happy.  That old phrase, 'misery loves company' is flawed in all regards.  Selfishness would have others be miserable too, but love rejoices in others' happiness despite our own challenges.  We do, and should, make an impact in this life.  If we are holding back we are only losing out on the love that would naturally be reflected back to us.

There is a shortage of joy, of hope, of confidence in our society today.  Struggles and hardship are present on all sides.  People are becoming discouraged and abandoning hope of a better world.  We need each other.  We need to reach out, never hold back, in sharing the light and joy whenever we are blessed to have it.  I love the Plato quote:  "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."   My daughter told me once that the greatest act of charity and love is to give someone the benefit of the doubt.  I agree.  We seldom know what folks are struggling with--many heartaches are visible, more are not.  Most people hide away their pain, try to paint a brave face, and many are none-the-wiser of their broken hearts.

I spent some time today at the doctors' office.  Not the most fun way to spend the day.  After blood tests and x-rays were performed, called for due to significant, prolonged chest pain, the results were declared to be normal.  I was given heavy duty pain medicine which succeeded in knocking me out, but which has failed to ease the pain while I am awake.

Why am I sharing this?  Am I looking for sympathy? for encouraging words? for a casserole?  No.  I have decided that I am not an island.  My family is not an island.  We all need each other in this great, big world of human beings.  If we know of each other's heartaches, then we can be prepared to share and help alleviate them.  We don't need to feel alone, while crowded on every side with humanity.  And yet we often do.  I need you.  And I hope one day you might need me and allow me to know of your sorrows so I can fill the Savior's injunction to bear one another's burdens.

Let us not be reluctant to spread some sunshine if we have received an ample supply.  Let us not be reluctant to reach out with a smile and a kind word.  Our lives here on earth were not meant to be handled alone, and if we feel as though joy is momentarily in short supply, let us remember the sure source of peace and happiness:  the Lord Jesus Christ, and His promise in Doctrine and Covenants, 101:36.

"Wherefore, fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full."

Let us be the Lord's hands here on earth; let us be instruments of his peace.  Share your joy.  And I will share mine.

She Should've Had a Blog

I was introduced to a new friend today.  Miranda did the honors.  She knew I would make a connection with this dear lady, one who steps off the page and instantly becomes more than an acquaintance.  Although her formal name is Frances Burney, a British author at the turn of the 19th century, I think I will prefer to enjoy the more familiarity of her nickname, Fanny.  Fanny was a gal ahead of her time.

Fanny's first journal entry in 1768 presented a common dilemma.  She knew that memory would fail her eventually so she wanted to have a place to share her "thoughts, manners, acquaintance & actions," where she could "confess (her) every thought...open (her) whole heart!"

She continues:  "But a thing of this kind ought to be addressed to somebody--I must imagine myself to be talking--talking to the most intimate of friends--to one in whom I should take delight in confiding, & remorse in concealment:  but who must this friend be?"

That is a dilemma that bloggers wrestle with, at least I do.  With whom am I sharing my thoughts? to whom are they directed?  to whom am I uncovering and baring my soul?  with whom am I occasionally being silly?  Although after much inner debate and finally choosing to be blissfully unaware of who is reading my blog, I think I can take a page from Fanny's book.  She delighted in figuring out to whom she could direct her writing:

"To whom must I dedicate my wonderful, surprising & interesting adventures?  to whom dare I reveal my private opinion of my nearest relations?  the secret thoughts of my dearest friends?  my own hopes, fears, reflections & dislikes?--Nobody!

"To Nobody, then will I write my journal!  since to Nobody can I be wholly unreserved--to Nobody can I reveal every thought, every wish of my heart, with the most unlimited confidence, the most unremitting sincerity to the end of my life!"

While Fanny's newfound freedom in writing to Nobody enabled her to write with utter honesty, her private thoughts were reported so fully and faithfully that, in the end, every reader is able to share them and relate to her Universal truths.  That is a tremendous accomplishment.  While I don't enjoy the freedom of my posts being read posthumously, I do hope that as I work through the reflections and musings and deliberations of my life and share them freely with "Nobody", perhaps some particle of truth will resonate with you, whomever you are, and that occasionally I might prompt you to look at something in a new way, or to set your sights on a new goal, or to express your previously inhibited feelings.

Thanks, Fanny.  I think we are going to be good friends.