Just For Today, We Are Here!

Opportunity.  What a brilliant word. It is filled with such promise.

I read a quote this morning that has since stayed with me.  It reverberates in my mind.  I hear its echo throughout my day, taunting me, nudging me, reminding me.  It is this:

"Just for today, we are here. We are alive. And with that aliveness comes a profound responsibility to do what we can. To make meaning and beauty out of what is." ― Dani Shapiro
 
It may not mean that tomorrow we are someplace else, or that we are not alive. 

But it may.

Who ever really knows what is around the corner?

Then all the more reason to drink in the moment.  Take advantage of where we are, and whom we're with, and what is on our plate.

Perhaps its significance is more haunting because of the hints of change. Can you deny that change isn't prevalent in all of our lives in one way or another?  Our lives are constantly affected by for sale signs, doctors' diagnoses, graduations, job changes, births.  And deaths.

The challenge then lies in making meaning and beauty out of whatever state we are in. The challenge lies in living large, and drinking in the fresh sea air, and snapping a million pictures of an ever changing ocean because opportunities that are here today may be gone tomorrow.

And when our circumstances change, we embrace the newness with whatever courage is called for.

Again.

And again. 

A Personal Inventory: Taking Stock

It would seem easier to just drift along, letting the current of life take us wherever it will.

 Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream.... 

Life is pleasant enough.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

But somewhere along the way, I have become convinced that life has purpose; that our decisions and actions matter; that it becomes necessary to submit to a little self-examination from time to time.  And what better time to take stock of one's life than, each year, annually, as we open gifts and eat cake.

It becomes more and more difficult to see pictures of myself.  I cringe as I observe the changes that my mind doesn't perceive. I still feel like I can do anything.  But my stamina suffers; my memory suffers; my flabby muscles, flawed complexion, fading color, present a much different picture than the one in my head.

So when did it happen?  When did I get old?  And has age brought with it any perquisites? I cannot deny that I am settling into the role of matriarch, which brings with it a cloak of honor that I hesitate to claim.  As my family gathers around me, eyes filled with love and a desire to celebrate and toast me, I feel a little like a fraud.  Who am I to be esteemed so highly, when I merely feel like a peer who doesn't really have all the answers yet either.

My days are different now.  No longer am I scrambling to keep up with active children. No longer is my schedule automatically filled with others' agendas.  I admit I enjoy this new freedom of choice.  My "must-do" list isn't really all that long; quite manageable, actually.

I do find myself benefitting from these four outstanding young adults in my life, especially as they bring lovely companions to the table with them.  My children are no longer children.  They are comrades-in-arms; they are thriving, productive, talented, active, hard-working members of society.  They are my best friends.  They share with me their wisdom, their joys, their frustrations, their unique abilities.

I feel very blessed.

I am blessed with a personal massage therapist, whose loving hands coax away the worry and stress and aches and pains.  I just wished she lived closer.

I am blessed with a son who will always be in a position to take care of his old mother; who has had a role-model, in his father, who has showed him how to honor, care for,  and love one's dear mama. He calls me regularly and lets me feel apart of his life.  We visit as the old friends that we are.  How gratifying to know that he will always make room for me.

I am blessed with my own personal yoga instructor, who gently encourages as she desires to see me regain the strength that time has threatened. What a lovely dear friend, who has now become a lovely dear neighbor. What greater gift than to share her family's life on a day-to-day basis?

I am blessed with a personal poet laureate.  I am blessed with someone that shares my love of great literature, who thrills with me at the discovery of new and old things to love. Who knew that the best friends come in the form of daughters who view the world from the same eyes?

I have been filled with an overwhelming desire to explore the world, to travel, to see its wonders.  But my greatest desire is to have a traveling companion by my side to share these things with; someone to thrill with me, to ooh and aah with me, to marvel and ponder with me.  I pray always that my beloved husband will accompany me.  I choose him.

This has become more than a blogpost.  The casual reader has my permission to withdraw due to its lengthy nature.

I daily ponder my purpose.  I consider the blessings which have been poured out upon me and struggle to find their best use.  Great books and ideas have filled my head with so much to think about. What is my role in building the Lord's Kingdom?  I have determined that my joy is full as I serve as a teacher.  I love the impetus to study diligently.  I love finding new ways to explore thought, to build upon a foundation of faith, to expand and enlarge my understanding, and to ponder the mysteries of God.  These are the things that fill my days.

I have many challenges, most of them inward.  I fight to overcome anxieties.  I find strength in my Savior.  He doesn't always take away the struggles, but He never leaves me alone to deal with them.

I find peace in beauty.  I try to surround myself with order.  I try to distance myself from the frivolities of the world.

I am weak in so many ways but I look with confidence forward, always forward.  It may mean adjusting to the new pictures of a woman I hardly recognize, but she means well. She knows love and feels it daily.

She tries to live worthy of those that arise up and call her blessed.

Turning Hearts

I love the scripture that speaks of the prophet Elijah turning the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers.  I get it.  I feel it.  I believe it.  Family connections should be foremost in our lives and should be our greatest source of happiness and strength.

Mine are.  I am overwhelmed with the gratitude I feel toward my family.  My parents have given me a legacy of love and faith, and I am trying to pass that along to the next generations.  It's my job.  And I take it seriously.

My energies are spent in bringing this bunch together as often as I can.  We have a lot of fun and look forward to our little circle expanding exponentially.

Thanks for the joy.

Don't Forget

The message is difficult to see; sometimes it is even more difficult to remember.  But our lives are not meant to last forever.  Our earthly test is finite, and ours to discover.  The greatest blessing we can receive is a wake-up call.  Suddenly everything looks different.  The winds blow harder; the calms between storms are more appreciated.

Don't forget.  Don't forget to enjoy life.  Let us live with gratitude every day for every blessing and every trial that sends us to our knees.

Photo Credit:  Miranda Haws

Waiting for the Cat

"The sun did not shine.

It was too wet to play.

So (I) sat in the house

All that cold, cold, wet day."

Who can ever forget those immortal opening lines from that beloved childhood book, "The Cat in the Hat" by Dr. Seuss?  I am sure at one point in my life I could have recited it perfectly from memory based on the countless times I read it myself as a child, and the similarly numerous times I read it to my children.

My husband's parting words to me this morning were "Have fun!".  In pondering that directive, my mind wandered to this book.  Ah, what to do, what to do? 

As an adult, I have begun looking at this delightful children's book in a new light.  So who is this Cat in the Hat?  Perhaps he isn't some energetic anthropomorphic cat that pays visit to a fortunate few; maybe he is our own imagination, creativity, mischieviousness even, and sense of fun all rolled into one?  Perhaps life is more about tapping into our personal Cat in the Hat, rather than sitting, sitting, sitting waiting for outside influences to show up and entertain us.

As a mother of several children I often felt it was my role to be the Cat and come up with ways to keep everyone happy and engaged.  Eventually they learned to make their own fun most of the time, or found ways to be occupied with outside interests.  From time to time though, I think they still look to me when they are bored, or sad, or fidgety, or broke...

I am the woman who loves her life.  I needn't sit and pine and wait for life to sweep me up in some grand adventure.  I am quite capable of making my own fun, discovering my own talents and diversions, sharing my ideas and energy with others, as wanted.  I am my own Cat in the Hat. 

I'm not gonna lie though.  It sure would be nice sometimes if there were a magical machine to come along behind me and clean up my messes.

So when my husband comes home and asks what I did today, perhaps I will look up innocently from a book, seated in my favorite chair in front of the fire, shrug my shoulders and say "not much", but you and I will know that perhaps the recently tidied home is just a ruse that shows no sign of the mayhem that really occurred during my day...;-)

The Bubble has Popped...

and I am back home again, surrounded by suitcases that need unpacking, a pile of mail that needs attention, a refrigerator that needs to be restocked, hampers that are overflowing...well, you get the picture.

It seems like forever ago that I was here, sitting at home, at my family's beck and call.  That part of being home I actually don't mind at all.  Wish I could say the same about that other nonsense. No, no, no.  I'm just kidding.  I have actually been reminded recently that I am the woman who loves her life, and isn't there great power just in saying that out loud?  I dare you; try it! 

And it is particularly appropriate at this time of year, to pause for a few moments and reflect upon the abundance of blessings we have received, and that indeed there are so many reasons to love one's life, both the great stuff as well as the challenges.

I have had several inquiries about my "pet" seagull, and whether or not I actually gave in and fed the silly bird.

He (or she) and I became quite well acquainted during my stay at the beach.  He made his presence known everyday, several times a day, for the week that I was there.

I was surprised by his tenacity.  He never gave up hope that the grumpy lady would give in and throw him a crust of bread.  And I wrestled with my dilemma every time he would come knocking at my door, literally banging his beak on the window.  I worried that he was starving because instead of foraging with the rest of the birds, he was pinning all his hopes and energy on me.

The most difficult times would be when he seemed to be looking me straight in the eye, challenging me, summoning my charity, compelling me to give in to softest part of my heart.

He perched on the driveway this morning as I was driving away.  As I looked back I wondered if I would see him again; when I return next week for Thanksgiving, will he still be there, waiting for a handout, waiting for the pretty, generous girl instead of the grumpy old lady?

I guess we will see...

Grateful

Here are the lyrics to a powerful song.  It is from a hardly-known Musical, It's Only Life.  I think Miranda and I are the only ones that know it.  It sums up how I'm feeling.

I've got a roof over my head
I've got a warm place to sleep
Some nights I lie awake counting gifts
Instead of counting sheep

I've got a heart that can hold love
I've got a mind that can think
There may be times when I lose the light
And let my spirits sink
But I can't stay depressed
When I remeber how I'm blessed

In a city of strangers
I've got a family of friends
No matter what rocks and brambles fill the way
I know that they will stay until the end

I feel a hand holding my hand
It's not a hand you can see
But on the road to the promised land
This hand will shepherd me
Through delight and despair
Holding tight and always there


Grateful, grateful
Truly grateful I am
Grateful, grateful
Truly blessed
And duly grateful