Join me in my search for meaning, for worthwhile pursuits, for discovery.
"Be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you." --1 Peter 3:15
Some days are life changers. Today is one of those days. I am waiting this morning for a fellow to come and put a For Sale sign in front of our home. As we have anticipated this big change, I have felt very anxious, but as the day is finally here, I am surprised that the anxiety has subsided to a large degree. I feel remarkably at peace as I note the closing of a chapter.
That's ALL it is! What an epiphany. It truly is merely the closing of a chapter in a book filled with joy and wonder. And the expectation for the next chapter is joyful and purposeful--no excuses, no regrets, no hesitation. It is, in fact, a great blessing that we have the opportunity to build a new home. And it's going to be a wonderful home--built with the objective of being a gathering place to draw together our growing family. Our children and grandchildren will comfortably be able to come home as often as they desire. My job will be to make certain they desire that OFTEN.
I can do this! I feel the Lord's blessings everyday as I press forward with this project. And He is filling me with His Peace at a time that I had worried so much about.
It's ALL Good. It really is. Why am I such a worrier? Has life never managed to turn out for my good in some way? It does. It always manages to teach me something and have my peace restored eventually. I do not understand all the mysteries of God, but I KNOW that He loves me! Of this I am certain. He manifests His love in so many ways. And today, He has filled me with peace.
They are easy to miss. When we live our lives thinking that we, alone, are in control of the outcome, it becomes easy to miss the fingerprints.
The fingerprints are everywhere. The evidences of God's hand in our lives are noticeable, but only as we allow ourselves the time, the meditation, the stillness, the humility necessary to discern them. It also becomes critical to relinquish a little control, to be willing to be guided by One much wiser than ourselves.
The past month has been unique for me, filled with monumental moments, pivotal once-in-a-lifetime experiences; and thankfully, God's fingerprints were very evident throughout the whole journey. In our moments of sorrow, He was there. In our moments of joy, He also had a hand in our lives. He brought strength, comfort, peace, insight, stamina, reassurance, and hope. I am certain that these were all direct blessings from a loving Heavenly Father and His Son.
Have you ever seen anything more beautiful? This is not an artist's rendering. It is not someone's active imagination. This is the real deal. This is a glimpse into the far reaches of our universe.
And it is stunning.
This is just one example of the images captured on the Hubble Telescope that has been in orbit for twenty years. And I got a first hand look at the story behind this amazing tool, which has helped us take a glimpse into space. On Saturday, Brian and I went to McMinnville, Oregon as our destination, not to simply drive through it on our way to somewhere else.
We went to the Evergreen Aviation and Space Museum, one of the highlights being the Hubble 3D movie which we saw in the IMAX Theater. I know much of the impact came from being in that incredible environment of intensified sight and sound, but I was mesmerized. I was completely engaged, with all my senses awakened, including my spiritual eyes. I knew as I watched evidence of stars being born that creation was being documented. I literally saw matter being organized.
If you could hie to Kolob in the twinkling of an eye?
And then continue onward with that same speed to fly,
Do you think that you could ever, through all eternity,
Find out the generation where Gods began to be?
Or see the grand beginning, where space did not extend?
Or view the last creation, where Gods and matter end?
Methinks the Spirit whispers, "No man has found 'pure space,'
Nor seen the outside curtains, where nothing has a place."
The works of God continue, and worlds and lives abound;
Improvement and progression have one eternal round.
There is no end to matter; there is no end to space;
There is no end to spirit; there is no end to race.
There is no end........
I feel so humbled to be part of the creation portfolio of a loving Father in Heaven. I couldn't stop thinking about how, amidst all of this splendor, God values and loves me, and counts me as His child.
We never really know what may lie just around the corner. We never really know what challenges we may meet, and what they will demand from us.
What we can do is to follow the counsel given in the Lord's parable of the Ten Virgins in Matthew 25. These women found themselves, either foolishly unprepared, or calmly ready for whatever came their way. There is such wisdom in keeping our lamps trimmed and burning. There is such wisdom in returning often to the sources that refuel our oil supply.
Throughout a weekend which held much of surprise, I watched my husband, who was prepared, calmly accept a new assignment to serve the Savior. It will be demanding. It will be challenging. Yet I have observed, from the vantage point of a wife, the past few months as the Lord has blessed him with the tools he would need, including improved health and strength.
I am thankful for his willingness to serve. I am thankful for his kind and loving heart.
Turmoil. It is a part of life. It is like a muddy boot stepping into a clear, running stream, churning up the muck and mud from the bottom. When life gets cloudy and cluttered, sometimes we are our own worst enemies by continuing to stir up more debris.
The best solution? Be still. Be calm, and let one's heart return to a state of clarity. Put oneself in a position to listen to the whisperings of the Spirit which otherwise can't be heard above the roar of the crowd.
The best place to do that?
"One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple." Psalms 27:4
Photo credit: Portland Oregon Temple by Lynn Howlett Photography
I wasn't very old. In fact it was 40 years ago, exactly, that as an eight-year-old, I was guided toward my best decision. Today is the 40th Anniversary of my baptism.
My bishop had counseled me to make note of the date so that every year I would be able to look back and remember. I was startled this morning when I did the simple math, and realized that so many years had passed.
We remember key moments in our lives, and this was a significant event. Perhaps at the time, I didn't completely understand the full weight of this experience, but I did feel that I was following the Savior's example and that made me feel important.
Though we lived in Lander, Wyoming, we had to travel to the Riverton Wyoming Stake Center for the baptism. Seated in a long row with the other children waiting to be baptised, I vividly remember feeling quite self-conscious. We were all similarly dressed in white baptismal suits and mine had some type of stain on one leg. Carefully I sat with my hands covering the imperfection. I wondered if it would still be all right for me to get baptized in a suit that wasn't spotless. Should I mention it to someone?
In the years that have passed, I have learned much more about this important and necessary saving ordinance, and I have actually thought about that conspicuous blemish that bothered me as I entered the waters of baptism. Part of Baptism is its ability to cleanse and purify all of those blemishes that are not always as conspicuous.
As I arose out of the water, my silly preoccupations were replaced with peace, knowing that at that moment, I stood without spot, without blemish, without sin, before my loving Heavenly Father and that He was pleased with my decision and my action.
Years have passed, and I am still honored to be part of God's Kingdom on earth. It was a good decision.
I love the scripture that speaks of the prophet Elijah turning the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers. I get it. I feel it. I believe it. Family connections should be foremost in our lives and should be our greatest source of happiness and strength.
Mine are. I am overwhelmed with the gratitude I feel toward my family. My parents have given me a legacy of love and faith, and I am trying to pass that along to the next generations. It's my job. And I take it seriously.
My energies are spent in bringing this bunch together as often as I can. We have a lot of fun and look forward to our little circle expanding exponentially.
Children are a miracle. We think we have so much to teach them. When the opportunity comes along to spend a little time in their company, the real miracle is in realizing what they have to teach us.
I learned this recently as my husband and I took care of our two-year-old granddaughter for ten days while her parents vacationed in Hawaii. Never once did we think that we weren't getting the best end of that deal. She was a joy to be with. We began seeing the world through her eyes. We began looking for moo-moo cows in the fields along the road. We began to simplify, slow our pace, and practice making animal noises.
In other words, we rediscovered the joy of living.
I was reminded of the lovely poem by William Wordsworth as I looked at this priceless photo of my granddaughter sitting at the feet of the Christus statue in the Idaho Falls Temple Visitors Center. As I look in her eyes, I realize that the Savior is someone she already knows, already respects, and very well may still remember.
Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy!
These words may be the most oft-quoted part of the poem, Ode, Intimations of Immortality From Recollections of Early Childhood, and they are powerful, but there is another passage that resonates with me just as strongly.
THERE was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,
The earth, and every common sight,
To me did seem
Apparell'd in celestial light,
The glory and the freshness of a dream.
It is not now as it hath been of yore;—
Turn wheresoe'er I may,
By night or day,
The things which I have seen I now can see no more.
How easily we lose sight of the wonder in simple things. How hardened and pessimistic and distracted we become as we strive to eat our bread by the sweat of our brow. Life isn't meant to be a cakewalk; we are here to work, and yet I can't believe that a loving Heavenly Father doesn't intend for us to look upon His creations with the freshness they deserve. How quickly we lose the wonder, the joy, the gratitude.
Thank you, my sweet Evelyn, for teaching your grandma. Thank you for the light in your eyes and your reverence for sacred things. That wasn't taught to you by the inhabitants of mortality. It was taught to you by angels.
After all these years, I think I am finally beginning to understand. Sure, we came to this earth to get a body. Sure, we came to be tested and tried. But how often do we forget that the greatest gift of a loving Father in Heaven is the opportunity to have joy. Not just happiness, but pure joy.
I am also beginning to understand the source for that joy. It doesn't lie in worldly things, in possessions, in the accumulation of "stuff". It doesn't lie in prestige nor accolades nor credit. Rather, joy comes from humility; in taking responsibility for our own situations, in not placing blame, nor giving anyone the control of how we feel. It comes when we recognize that we are not the authority on anything, but that true light and knowledge comes from Christ if we are humble enough to seek after it.
Joy comes from the sacrifice of things that we thought would bring us joy. It comes from feeling the love of our Savior as prayers are answered and comfort is given; in learning that we are stronger than we thought we were.
My desk is covered with books. It is stacked with notebooks and pens and paper clips and tools, and the shelves that surround me are filled with more books, and scrapbooks, and notebooks, and craft supplies, and photographs. This is my little bit of heaven on earth. This is my happy place. The exciting thing for me is to discover what will reach out and grab my attention on any particular day.
Today brought one of the biggest surprises I have had in awhile. I don't always know or remember how some things end up within arm's reach of my desk(s) (for you see I actually have two desks and two chairs which make it perfect for guests to stop by and visit me in my happy place; I especially love when my children, or my husband, peek in and pull up a chair). A beautiful purple book begged my notice. I remember buying this book because one of the authors was a Seminary teacher of mine from years ago. The book is entitled The New Testament for Today: Biblical Stories with Modern Parallels By W. Jeffrey Marsh and Ron. R. Munns, but I hadn't found the time to read it until now.
I immediately became engaged, enjoying the format of a passage of scripture from the New Testament which was then followed by commentary or a story from latter-day disciples.
On page twenty-five, one of my favorite passages was shared from Matthew 6:24-33, wherein Christ admonishes his followers to put their trust in God, to "take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink...And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field,how they grow...even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these....for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
Following these verses was a true story, entitled "Your Children Shall Never Beg for Bread." This story has since been made into a film, entitled Treasure in Heaven, and I found a trailer for it on youtube. After you watch the trailer, I will tell you why this story found me sitting in tears, all alone in my little room, my heart overflowing with gratitude.
From the book I read today: "It is estimated that at various times John gave or loaned over fifty thousand dollars to Joseph Smith and the Church. Later, as John forgave the remaining debts incurred while in Kirtland, Ohio, "the Prophet Joseph laid his right hand heavily on Elder Tanner's shoulder, saying, 'God bless you, Father Tanner; your children shall never beg bread'.
"John Tanner sacrificed everything he had for the gospel, and the promise given to him by the Prophet Joseph Smith has been literally fulfilled."
I am a direct descendant of this John Tanner. Not too many generations pass without linking him to my Grandmother Frances Carter Yost, then my mother Caroline, and then me. Also interesting to note, the missionaries that blessed John to be healed and then baptized him, are also ancesters from my mother's line, Simeon and Jared Carter, brothers to my Great Grandfather Gideon Carter.
Sitting in my own little sanctuary, I was faced with the reality of my great heritage, while reading this lovely story in a seemingly random book. In doing so, I felt the direct love of my Heavenly Father. Because of the great sacrifices of those that have gone before me, I am reaping the great blessings of an inconquerable legacy. My humble needs have always been met. I have always had a roof over my head. I have always had food in my cupboard. I have always found a way to clothe my children, even if it meant sewing play clothes from scraps from the sewing factory.
"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin...Wherefore if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?"
My prayer is that we will always remember from whom our greatest blessings flow; that if we make our lives as holy offerings to God, He will pour out blessings from the windows of heaven, "that there shall not be room enough to receive it." (Malachi 3:10)
I feel inspired today to share one of my favorite scriptures, found in Matthew 11:28-30.
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
For those of us that have been taught about our Savior, Jesus Christ, just these simple words can have such power. We should cling to the peace they bring. It can be lasting if we will always remember Him.
I can't even recall all the times that this passage of scripture has spoken peace to my soul, but I do remember specifically one time when I so needed to hear this message. It was years ago when I was going to college. I was very far from home and very overwhelmed with the demands of school. It was an afternoon after classes and I had gone home to my apartment. My roommate wasn't there and I went into my bedroom. Sat down on my bed. Knew I needed some help. Saw my scriptures sitting on my desk.
Though my knowledge of the scriptures was in its infancy stage, I knew that there was power in that book. I had faith that my answer was to be had in its pages.
I decided to put my faith to the test. I told myself that whatever page the book fell open to, there would be something of value there for me.
My bible fell open to Matthew, and this passage, which had been underlined earlier, immediately caught my attention. I wept. I didn't weep for sadness, though I was homesick. I wept for the knowledge I had that this was absolutely true; all I needed to do was to come unto the Savior and He would offer me the rest I needed; He would offer me the comfort and love and reassurance I so desperately needed.
Let us all cling to whatever particle of faith we have. Let us all remember that we are never alone if we remember to whom we may always look for peace. Sometimes in a chaotic world the only peace we will feel in is our hearts. Often that is enough. He will give us courage to press forward. He will give us enlightenment and guidance to face and deal with the troubles in our lives.
Let us put behind us the mistakes of the past and look forward with a brightness of hope. He has sent His Comforter to be with us. It is real. As we keep His commandments and strive to improve, we will be blessed to always have His Spirit to be with us. His promises are sure.
What a week I've had! What began with only a vague awareness of a literary work, soon gave way to a rush of influence by the C.S. Lewis masterpiece, The Screwtape Letters.
I had heard of this book. I understood what it claimed to be. In fact, I had purchased a copy of this book as a gift for my son-in-law for Christmas; not because I had thought it to be the perfect gift, but at the suggestion of my daughter on her husband's behalf.
A few weeks after Christmas I received an email from a friend inviting my husband and I to attend a theatrical performance of, what else? The Screwtape Letters. Being distracted by life, I failed to respond to the invitation and even forgot to tell my husband about it.
Two more weeks pass by. My husband mentions a blurb he had heard on the radio about this particular show coming to Portland. It jolted my memory of the email, and we then discussed the possibility of getting tickets. He was eager. I was impartial.
With tickets purchased and a week until showtime, we decided some preparation would add to our appreciation of the event. With the new-fangled technology, I purchased and downloaded a digital copy of the book to be read on my iPad.
Together each evening, Brian and I would gather for study of The Screwtape Letters. I read the challenging text aloud, hoping that Brian was able to understand at least some of what I was fumbling through. It is the type of book that shouldn't be rushed through in a week. It requires time to reflect, to ponder,to decipher, to chew on the intensity and the subtlety. It is also the kind of book that begs for certain passages to be underlined and highlighted, with notetaking in the margins so amazing parts can be revisited, reevaluated, and re-appreciated.
None of which was possible for us while cramming on an iPad.
That said, we did get a lot out of our reading. Our regret was that in our truncated study, our ultimate results were certainly truncated too.
Showtime came. It was amazing; a two-person cast, with only one of those actually speaking, it was unique. It was thought provoking. It was humbling to recognize human foibles present in oneself, the results of Satan and his minions successfully understanding the natural man and effectively leading us astray. I use the collective "we" loosely. Perhaps I am the only one weak and impressionable....
I have since thought a lot about The Screwtape Letters. I recognize it to be full of profound truths, with Mr. Lewis being directly inspired. I liken it to sneaking a peek at the opposing team's playbook. If we can understand their game plan, with all of their strategies and scheming, we are certainly better equipped to construct an effective offense, while fortifying our team's defense. They play dirty. They intend to win. Our eternities are at stake, but we have God on our side. Sorry, Screwtape.
Imagine my delight on opening my valentine gift and finding a hard copy of The ScrewtapeLetters. My husband knows me so well. He knows that I couldn't wait to get my hands on a copy that I could reread slowly and deliberately and make my own, with any amount of notations and scribbles. It will become a treasure, for sure.
I feel like someone has been trying to get my attention to become familiar this book. And it took nearly being beaten on the head with it in order to wake me up. If your curiosity is piqued even just a little, I would encourage you to have a go at it. It may not be the easiest book you ever read, but I guarantee it will be one of the most eye-opening.
We never really know, do we? Oh, that we could see the concentric circles expanding ever outward from the things we say and the things we do, like the proverbial ripples in our proverbial ponds.
Hence lies a great responsibility in choosing well our words and our actions.
And perhaps we never quite grasp the scope or dimensions of our own pond. We used to talk of villages that raise a child. I believe that 'village' no longer adequately describes the bounds of our potential influence. Like it or not, we have become world citizens, interacting and rubbing cyber shoulders with neighbors from the far reaches of places we will probably never venture to.
It is important to remember that our concentric circles of influence are affected by those of others. The song we sing is changed by its encounter with other voices. Does it become better with the harmony of additional perspective, or does the discord of aggressive argument result in painful dissonance?
I have realized that even in the little world of Ardith's Quest I have a responsibility in what I share. There is a reason that I feel the way I do about things. Am I bold enough to express my testimony of those important things? Am I courageous enough to try and explain how I have come to those conclusions?
As a disciple of Jesus Christ I am called to the work of sharing His great mission, and helping to build His Kingdom upon the earth.
I may be but one small voice in the huge interchange of dialogue and information.
And yet, out of small things can proceed that which is great....
Don't you love it when you are working on a jigsaw puzzle and the fragmented image slowly but surely starts to come into focus; when your efforts, which at times had seemed futile, begin to show promise? What had begun as an exercise of faith in the puzzlemakers, is now confirmed as a real image, and not just a hodge podge of random colors and shapes.
I love it when the apparent randonmness of life's components begin to take shape as well and the colors of life show their purpose. Sometimes they are real mysteries that become explained.
I am finding in my life that the times of clarity may not always be dominant, but I am so thankful when, for one reason or another, I am blessed to have an "A Ha!" moment. This past Fall has been full of turmoil, chaos, stress, and unrest. I will never forget the feelings of humility and inadequacy and worry. But truthfully, my life has been blessed with peace and assurance that Someone else is running the show, is aware of my situation, and loves me! The puzzle pieces are coming together. I am learning that I don't have all the answers, but I do know the source.
That's ALL it is! What an epiphany. It truly is merely the closing of a chapter in a book filled with joy and wonder. And the expectation for the next chapter is joyful and purposeful--no excuses, no regrets, no hesitation. It is, in fact, a great blessing that we have the opportunity to build a new home. And it's going to be a wonderful home--built with the objective of being a gathering place to draw together our growing family. Our children and grandchildren will comfortably be able to come home as often as they desire. My job will be to make certain they desire that OFTEN.
