Ten Minutes!

It still resounds in my ears. My mother's voice, kind and yet firm:  Ten Minutes!  Nothing more needed to be said.  I understood, loud and clear.  Whenever I would get a phone call from a boy, it would always be accompanied by this undeniable directive. Ten Minutes!

It wasn't that one shouldn't talk to a boy longer than ten minutes (maybe).  It was about courtesy to the rest of the family.  This was back in the day before "caller waiting";  This was back in the day of the busy signal.  And I completely understood that one shouldn't tie up the only phone line in the house.

Remember when the whole family relied upon just one phone line, which was perhaps tied to just one phone? And we couldn't even comprehend the idea of cordless.  Are you kidding me?  I remember the days of stretching that cord as far as it would go so that I could take a personal call.

And imagine trying to talk to someone whose family had to share a "Party line" with several of their neighbors.  Believe me.  NO party!

At the risk of dating myself with this disclosure, I think it brings up a viable conversation about phones today, and particularly, phones in the hands of young people. I wouldn't have known what to do if I had had my own phone.  I couldn't have imagined talking (or texting!) endlessly.  I learned what it was like to "miss" someone, to not be able to communicate with the boy I liked at all hours of the day and night.  When we went on family trips, there was absolutely NO communication. I had to be "present" with those that I was with.

I am thankful that the era of personal phones in everyone's hands with unlimited minutes and unlimited texting came after my own children were teenagers.  I cannot imagine the difficulty that parents have today in regulating and having any control over these abused devices. 

I am the first to admit the peace of mind that comes in having direct communication with a child.  Gone are the days of wondering where they are and what time they will be home and who they are with. Are they having car trouble, are they lost, have they run out of gas? 

I am also the first to admit that I frequently used the phone longer than my allotted ten minutes.  But as the time was brief, and such a rare and sweet treat, sometimes it was difficult to say goodbye and hang up.

"You say it first."

"No. I'm not going to say it."

"Okay, then let's say it together."


Repeat.


Repeat again.

Finding Common Ground

What is the most attractive thing about someone?  Is it the brilliant blue of their eyes?  or is it their strong, broad shoulders and rippling muscles?  or is it any number of things that society touts as hallmarks of beauty?

To me, these are merely distractions.  I believe the most compelling trait in someone is the common interest we share.  Do you care about enough similar subjects to hold effortless conversation with me?  That is when friendship becomes easy.  That is when you could talk for hours without running out of things to say.  That is when you don't want to be the first person to hang up the phone. That is what builds the pathway to love.

Years ago I met an incredibly handsome man.  And he was, indeed, a man; not a boy, not a young man; I found myself utterly attracted to the fact that he seemed very mature and assured and ready to tackle the world.  At first glance, it would seem we had nothing in common.  He grew up on a ball field, or a ball court, or a ball diamond.  Me?  Don't you throw a ball at me!  I will not be able to catch it and will invariably end up hurting myself or someone or something else. 

He was the life of the party, effortlessly making all around him feel comfortable and important.  Me?  I was shy and insecure and awkward.  I was more at ease in a library, surrounded by friends that leapt from the pages of books.

So what could we possibly have to talk about?  Well, we did like to ski.  And we did like to go to church.  And we did like to laugh.  And we did like chocolate chip oatmeal cookies.

These were the beginnings of our common ground.  It didn't take long to discover that we shared the same goals of family; the same interest in great books and ideas.  I read the great books.  He had the great ideas.

And most importantly, we shared a love of our Savior, and a desire to follow Him.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ equipped us with the tools to learn patience, tolerance, forgiveness, and unconditional love. 

That was all the common ground we needed.

It's No Trouble

There is an old movie that has become a classic for many.  It features action, romance, humor, tenderness, and just plain old good storytelling.  The lines are clever, memorable, and most importantly, quotable! Many people know whole sections by heart and are quick to recite them if prompted.

One of my favorite parts is the poignant running theme of love expressed by the simple words:  "As you wish".  This lovely phrase becomes synonymous with the often overused words, "I love you". 

This past week I have discovered another phrase that carries just as much affection, just as much devotion, and just as much love as either of these.  It is the humble, unpretentious "It's no trouble".

Frequently when these words are spoken, it is indeed "some" trouble, some inconvenience, some interference with normal circumstance.  But it is the desire to downplay that inconvenience that makes the subtle statement of love. 

May we turn you out of your bed for the night, and make you sleep on an air mattress? 

"It's no trouble."

May we inconvenience you to get up at 4:00 in the morning to drive us to the airport?

"It's no trouble."

May I rest my old bones while you chase a 2-year-old around the house in order to wear her out for bedtime?

"It's no trouble."

These are only a few examples of the way my family serves me.  And it doesn't stop at family.  I have valued friends that are quick to offer help and kindness and comfort when I am in need.  And it is extended with immeasurable love and those simple words that mask the bother or inopportune timing.

It's no trouble.  As you wish.

I love you.

Just For the Fun of It!

Have you ever done something just for the fun of it?  For no real purpose other than to just gather with friends for good conversation, good food, and good fun?  This past weekend my husband and I did exactly that.  We hosted what we called a "Black and White @ the Beach" Party. 

I am finding that often in our lives we go from one requirement to the next; crossing off all the things that must be done while neglecting the seemingly superfluous things. My friend, Ralph Waldo Emerson reminds us that there is a need to make extra time for what he calls the "best property of all":

     "We take care of our health, we lay up money, we make our room tight, and our clothing sufficient; but who provides wisely that he shall not be wanting in the best property of all--friends?"

That is what we did this weekend.  We sought to take care of what we feel is as important as our health, as critical as our livelihood, and as valued as our family; we sought to nurture our friendships.

It was an opportunity to show them how much they mean to us, to spoil them a little, and to thank them for their involvement in our lives.

We couldn't feel more blessed to call them our friends.

Are We Really Any Different Now?

If you take two little eight-year-old girls, both with blonde hair and big brown eyes, who were inseparable, who only lived a short bike ride from each other, who thought alike and dreamed alike, and then separate them for forty years, can you really expect them to still be friends?

I would suggest that Yes! whatever brought them together as children, whatever bond was fortified between those two kindred spirits as children, that same kinship and love never goes away.  I know this as fact, not merely speculation.  It was tested just today, and proven.

I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize.  Rather hesitantly I answered.  After one simple introduction, the hesitation turned to marvel, which turned to happiness, which turned back to marvel again.  Could it really be my friend, Karen, from Lander, Wyoming?

We spoke with the ease of friends that had never parted.  We caught each other up on the last forty or so years as though that time was merely incidental.  And apparently it was, because the connection that had been there as children continued as strong and clear and evident as ever.

She remembered my married name was Haws.  She googled me, and found my blog.  Life continues to be a wonder and a blessing.  Friendships are timeless.  Our defining personalities, our souls, which we squeeze into little bodies, obviously do not change all that much over time, even as those same bodies grow bigger and older (and fatter and wrinkled).  We like to think that we mature and grow and develop into outstanding members of society.  Apparently we are really not all that different from when we were young. 

Thanks, Karen, for the lovely reminder.  And here is that newspaper clipping that I have treasured all these years, saved as my only tangible memory of that special time. The intangible memories, held tightly in my heart, have never faded.  Now I have a new facebook friend and the promise of another special friendship rekindled.

Can you find me?  Karen says I look just the same....;-)

Three Kinds of People

There seem to be three classifications of people in the world right now:  those that have no interest in joining the unique, albeit consuming world of facebook; those that were curious enough to see what it was all about, have signed up with a facebook account, but are hesitant to participate for one reason or another; and then there are those that have discovered the marvel of it all.

I fall into the last category.  I will admit to being apprehensive at first.  From what I had read, it was a college student craze but I was drawn to the relative protected nature of it.  Only those that I allowed would be able to see what I was up to.

After getting my feet wet, I have been drawn into this world of friends, particularly friends from long ago that seem not to have aged.  It becomes so easy to pick up in conversation as easily as if there weren't thousands of miles that separate us, nor decades that have passed since the last time we spoke.

Initially I joined facebook to stay in touch with my children; to see what they were up to while living away from home.  I also love to see fresh pictures of my granddaughter from time to time, as I don't get enough "face time" with her. 

But facebook fills a need for me.  It validates myself as "Ardith Wakeman Haws".  I am no longer just Jackie's mom, or Elder Haws' mother, or Bishop Haws' wife.  For the first time in years I have my own circle of friends, especially those that knew me as the shy, brown-eyed girl who moved around a lot.

I love sharing the day to day lives of my facebook friends.  I love sharing the happy times and the sad times, the silly times and the touching times.  How fun to cheer on the triumphant and how poignant to pray with those in need.  I love a forum that accepts my idiosyncrasies.  Perhaps my voice may not be heard by multitudes, but it is heard by my little circle of facebook friends.  And that is enough.

Those that may hesitate to jump into the conversation, what have you got to lose?  I promise you will gain more than you ever would have imagined.  You will regain a part of your youth.

The Value of Constancy

Newness is exciting.  Surprises are fun.  A change of pace can be thrilling.

But I have come to find great value in the things that stay the same; things that I can rely on to always greet me the same way.  I have also learned that the most comforting are not the predictably stagnant things, in fact they are not things at all.  We expect inanimate objects to remain unchanged, but can we say the same thing about people? or nature? or relationships?

This morning I awoke to the comforting song of the ocean.  Its constancy is very satisfying, very reassuring.  It may not always remain the same intensity, or the same color, or the same tide level.  BUT, it is always there.  I know that it is never going away.  And the peace that brings is remarkable.

I am thankful for the other constants in my life.  Perhaps that is the true test of value:  those in our lives that we can always count on.  Perhaps the intensity changes but knowing they are always there can be a great comfort.

Broad Roads versus Narrow Ways

'Find your path.'  'Choose your own direction.'  'Follow your heart.'

We hear these directives all our lives.  How much freedom do we really have in choosing our own pathway?  Or rather, how successful are we when the choice really does lie solely with us, especially when we come to the proverbial fork in the road?

                                                                Photo found here.

I have had a conversation with an old friend recently.  She got me thinking about some important concepts.

Quoting her:  "You spend your young days having parents and teachers direct your life, then you move to where either a job or kids direct your life. It becomes a habit, but I think idleness has been given an unfair reputation. When your mind is always busy with outer things, how do you know what it does when it has nothing to do?....  So, tell me, why is outer direction to fill your days always thought to be more acceptable than self-direction?"--Sara Hansen

Interesting, don't you think?  Few of us may admit to having completely carefree lives, where the direction we take is truly ours to decide.  But even during our "busiest" times in life, there are choices to be made with whatever remains as "free time."  How are we filling the down time in our days?  And can we proudly profess to making good use of it?  What IS good use?  Is quiet, thoughtful, meditation a waste?  Is reading a book a waste?  Is writing a blog a waste?  Is sitting in the sunshine a waste?

Do you feel like your life's path has been straight?  Clearly defined?  Easily identifiable?   What about narrow?  Have you had a full range of choices?  Or not?

I believe the best road markers are set by the commandments of a loving Heavenly Father.  They give us  direction for setting our path, while at the same time giving us the freedom to live our lives with happiness and joy, not being bound down by poor life choices and addictions.  But as narrow as that path may seem to some, there is plenty of room to explore our own dreams.  Our moves are not scripted; the choices are ours alone.

My challenge now as an empty-nester, with enough free time to have a little elbow room in my schedule, is in how I choose to use that time.  I hope that I will take advantage of this great gift of time.  I hope that I will hold myself accountable for how I use it.  I hope that I will give myself license to make a few of these decisions, recognizing that my choices have merit.  I may live to serve my family, and my God, but just as essential, and often forgotten, is the importance in addressing my own dreams and realizing their validity.  Thankfully, I have a very supportive husband....

Sand, Sun, Sculpture?

What do you get when you have eight energetic young adults, a beautiful day, a shore full of open sand, and you throw in the incentive of a few prizes?  A really fun sand sculpture contest!  I was thrilled to see the effort and energy and teamwork as four teams tried to outdo each other in creating their ephemeral masterpieces.

The fun began as the teams began collaborating on ideas, tools, and strategies.  Working tirelessly, they began digging and hauling water and packing and carving and smoothing and finessing.

Then came the most difficult task:  judging and proclaiming the winners.

Erica and Derek's sandy iPod was a favorite all day long as beachcombers came exploring.  We noticed several people carefully changing the playlist to their own favorite.

Elders Curtis and Bruton dreamed of home and one of their favorite places to be, replicating the Cougar Stadium at BYU where Elder Curtis played before his mission.  I don't think there were many cougar fans at the beach yesterday.  As some passersby had changed the iPod song, others changed the university.  Sorry, guys.

Carefully laying a firm foundation, it took awhile for Robert and Josalyn's masterpiece to emerge.

A big "thumbs up" for their final creation!  We noticed many photos being taken by others during the day of this fun sculpture, all striking the same pose.

Giving a nod to that timeless classic, Miranda and Alexis carved out the Sphinx.  Their careful attention to detail attracted a lot of attention, as well as being a magnet for many photos.  Many people straddled the familiar lion's body to capture the memory.

Little remains after the inevitable ebb and flow of nature's tides.  From my perch atop the nearby cliff, all that can be seen is a modified thumbs up; it too is slowly melting into certain oblivion.  Not to be forgotten though are the fun and laughter of a beautiful Labor Day at the beach, shared with family and friends.  Thank heaven for cameras.

The Music of Life

Yesterday an old friend of mine from high school posted something on Facebook.  I thought about it during the day, and even as I was lying in bed last night.  It is this:  "God determines who walks into your life... It's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go!"

There is such truth in every facet of this.  I like to think that the people we meet along the way are purposeful, that they are in our path to impact us in some way.  But the choice is ours as to the level of their impact.  Who will have a lasting effect on us?  Who will we treat indifferently?  Who will we cling to, not wanting to lose their influence?

A while back I tried to quit Facebook.  I found that it was taking up too much of my time, and I have other projects I want to focus on.  So I thought I could just walk away from my little circle of friends, so painstakingly established, that God has allowed to enter into my life again.  There are Lisa and Joanie and Michele; my little friends that walked to kindergarten with me, that shared some of the best slumber parties of my life.  There are Bryn and Mark and Larry; my friends from junior high, that pivotal time of discovery in one's life.  There are Toni and Jim and Maili from high school, who were my greatest support system then and have continued to keep in touch with me throughout the years.

I have been so blessed by the people I call my friends.  They are like a lovely melody that accompanies my life, a recurring refrain that lifts me, that energizes me, that inspires me.

I have also been thinking about the depth of love we feel for those that come into our lives that we refuse to let go, that we stick with through difficult times, that we continually draw strength from.  I am so blessed to have parents who have felt like this about one another.  Today marks 50 years that my parents have been married, have stood side by side, have refused to let go.

I feel like their influence has been the most pivotal of my life.  Because of their teaching, their example, their unconditional love, I too have learned how to cling to that which is most valuable, most important, most critical to my happiness. 

Life is never an easy road, free of bumps and pot holes.  But as we choose to surround ourselves with people who love us, determined to stick by them throughout even the greatest obstacles, then the music of our life enriches to its fullest sound, replete with a solid string section to lay the foundation, a bold group of brass to herald the triumphant moments, percussion to keep us on track, and the finishing touches of the winds to beautify and add unexpected highlights.

I love you, Mom and Dad.  I count you among my greatest blessings.  I am thankful you are together today.  I know that life isn't easy right now, but in your trials you are teaching the following generations how to love, how to serve, how to remain faithful.  Priceless lessons in an uncertain world.

Happy Anniversary!  And next weekend, we are going to throw you the party of the century.

Sukiyaki Anyone?

What had been anticipated with apprehension turned out to be a charming, lovely, and altogether enjoyable evening. A while ago the Young Men's and Young Women's groups at our church held an auction fundraiser. Brian and I were going to be out of town, so we made arrangements with a friend to bid on a few things for us to show our support to the program.  One of our purchases made by proxy was a Sukiyaki Dinner for Four at a Japanese couple's home who live in our ward.

I don't think I would have bid on this; I'm absolutely certain Brian would never have bid on this.  As much as we like to see and do new things, we are admittedly a little skeptical of overly authentic foreign foods, particularly Asian cuisine. You just never know what you are going to get...  Americanized versions are usually safe enough, but real, genuine, authentic?  Kind of leaves us both quivering in our boots.

We had a wonderful time.  This lovely Japanese couple, Mitch and Reiko Taguchi, were perfect hosts.  We entered their home to find a low table all set for us with cushions to sit upon and chopsticks ready.  We learned that Sukiyaki is traditionally always cooked by the man tableside, with the wife assisting him with the preparation of the ingredients.  It was fascinating to watch as they worked together.  Everything was very methodical.

It was interesting learning about the new and unusual ingredients, imagining what the end result would taste like.

To our delight and relief, it was all very delicious and we were able to be as gracious as we had hoped to be.  We even were able to impress them in return with our chopstick skills.

The highlight of the evening was the conversation.  This is a very intimate setting and the whole process of cooking at the table invites lots of time for visiting and becoming better acquainted.  As the dinner progressed, in between the continuous filling of our plates, we came to know and love these good people in a whole new way.  I had known something of their history but this personal setting allowed us to hear more of the remarkable details of their conversion to Christianity from Buddhism many years ago in Japan and their subsequent sacrifices to raise their children in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  They shared with us their treasured first Book of Mormon which bore the sacred signatures of two prophets of the Lord, Joseph Fielding Smith and Harold B. Lee. 

I will never forget my authentic Japanese dinner.  It will stay in my memory as the unique and special occasion that it was.  Will I always be so ready to try new things?  I suppose it is all a process, isn't it?  As we open our minds and hearts to new ideas, we are blessed with new experiences; experiences that hopefully make us more well-rounded, interesting, interested, accepting and full of love for a continuously enlarging circle of friends.

Extended Family and Friends

More A to Z pages.  The Letter E is for my Extended Family.

I wonder why this part of my family is considered the extended part.  Weren't they the FIRST part?  These are the lovely people I spent the first 20 years of my life with.  Chronologically then, shouldn't my IMMEDIATE family really then be considered the EXTENSION of my first family?  Or am I over thinking this...

The Letter F represents my dear friends.  The scan doesn't show the title well.  But it spells out "Friends" with a variety of letter tiles, followed by a metal tag with the word "Forever". 

Do you know how difficult it was for me to round up pictures of my friends?  Harder than it should have been.  Lesson learned.  Take my camera with me more often.  I remember when I was young how important pictures of my friends were to me, especially as I would usually move away and never see them again.  They became treasured memories.

This page is a tribute to all of my friends throughout the years, not just those I see regularly and do silly things with.  By the way, if you couldn't tell, Fred and Wilma Flintstone should look a little familiar...

Irony? Coincidence? Tender Mercy!

Yesterday my mind was turned to peace, particularly the peace that can come during trials.  I even went so far as to reference the challenge of waves and wind and storms.  Why did my mind turn to those things? 

So that this morning when I was awakened at 5:00 am with a tsunami warning, my mind was instantly turned to the need for my Savior, and the promise of peace and calm during chaos.

We are sitting in our 12th floor hotel room in the Marriott at Waikiki Beach.  Waiting.  Wondering.  Hopeful.  We don't feel in danger.  We are anxious but thankful.  Brian and I are traveling with our good friends Walt and Cindy Myers.  We are gathering for a devotional.  We have brown licorice and Dots.  We should be good.

Thank you for your prayers.

I have a friend...

whom I have known for twenty-one years or so.   She has been a bright spot in my life for all of those twenty-one years.  We don't always get to spend much time together, and there are often lulls between seeing each other.  This is when the sunshine of my life is a little dimmer.

She and I are not that much alike.  She is bubbly and full of fun.  She is the life of the party.  She draws people to her in remarkable ways.  And yet, we complement each other so well.  We understand one another.  We can almost read minds sometimes.

For several years we were the 5th year leaders at Girls Camp.  We worked well together, had a lot of fun, and hopefully brought out the best in the girls that we taught.  It was inspiring to see them rise to be leaders while we supported them from the background.  We have watched together as they have moved on to become remarkable women.

There are too many facets of our friendship to recount them all here.  We have shared each other's highs and lows.  We laugh together.  We cry together.  Patti, dear, I love you.  Happy Birthday, my sweet friend.

(Photo credit:  Laura Peterson)

Busting out of Ruts!

That has been our theme during the past year, and we have invited a few of our friends along to join us on the adventure.  So many things in life are out of our control, and the ruts simply grow deeper and deeper as we press onward doing the same things that need to be repeated over and over and over... (How can one really change up laundry?  If anyone finds a way, let me know)

But that doesn't mean that everything in our lives must always be the same.  There are plenty of variables out there to make life interesting if we only make a little extra effort.  One area is our social lives.  It is usually the first to be sacrificed because of our busy schedules, and that is fine because our families and work and church should be our priorities. I don't believe that our friendships don't merit some priority as well. We, however, had fallen into a very deep rut.  If we did find ourselves with a free weekend evening, we might try to call someone last minute to go out to dinner.  Usually without any planning ahead, though, we were rarely successful. 

This had to change.  So we took it upon ourselves to make the change.  We instigated what we affectionately call, The Rut-Busters Club.  It consists of a pretty good group of friends who have known each other for years, are comfortable together, and who otherwise we rarely see anymore because our kids are so busy.

The challenge is to take turns hosting a party.  Not just any party.  We have tried to use a little creativity to come up with ideas that get us up and doing things we haven't done before.  Cooperative spirit and good humor are usually called for too.

Here is a sampling of some of our adventures together.  Our original plan of monthly get-togethers has had to slide a little.  We really are a very busy group of people and sometimes the ruts are difficult to buck, but we are trying.

This last group of pictures was taken at our party last Saturday night.  We had our own "Project Runway", divided up into teams, and cut and sewed until we came up with stunning ensembles for our very own runway show.  No pictures are included of that to protect the "innocent".